Giving Thanks

I want to take a moment to express how thankful we are at this point in our lives, and also to explain our journey over the past few years.  Thanksgiving has never had a more profound meaning for us than it does this year, although every year there are more reasons to thank our Creator.

When John and I got married three years ago, we had no idea what God had in store for us.  We were believing Catholics, had a fun group of friends we saw consistently, and enjoyed spending time with both of our wonderful families.  For some reason, we were also fairly naive in thinking that because we were generally “good” people, good things would happen to us.  In fact, a lot of circumstances came together perfectly around our wedding, including both of us finding and starting new jobs, and finding a cheap apartment almost exactly halfway between those jobs.  We felt so blessed and grateful.  We never really thought there might be any trouble when we’d want to start growing our family.

About a year after we were married, John and I began to grow our family.  Using the natural method of family planning (which I teach) we managed to get pregnant right away and did not have to deal with the heartache of infertility.  My heart truly goes out to those people who have that cross to bear.  I teach many couples who have struggled with infertility, and it is a long and hard road to travel.

Although we conceived right away, the happiness was short-lived; after visiting the doctor I began to miscarry almost immediately, only a few days after confirming we were pregnant.  Our hearts were broken.  For those of you who have gone through this horrible ordeal, you know the emptiness that it can cause; it can consume you.  John was my stronghold; he kept me talking so that I didn’t close off myself.  I still believed that God was there, that He had a plan, but I was so angry at Him!

A few months later we conceived again.  Although there were many scary moments (once you have miscarried, you are absolutely terrified that it will happen during any consecutive pregnancies), we began telling people and believing that this would be the first of our children to make it out to the world.  But that was also not to be.  I will never forget the bleeding, and the ER trip that landed us in front of an ultrasound monitor showing no heartbeat.  The funny thing is, although I remember everything that happened that night, my clearest memory is of the ultrasound technician giving me a hug when we realized what everything meant; it was so incredibly sweet of her, and I thank God that she was there and willing to be so kind.

Of course, this was still not the end of our second child’s story.  Three weeks later, my doctor called (you know something is wrong when the doctor calls you out of the blue!).  We had had a partial molar pregnancy.  Because of this, we were told we needed to wait one year before trying to conceive again.

This was a hard blow.  I was almost in shock.  I trusted that God had a plan, but this was my darkest hour; I just could not understand why this should happen.  I had felt called to be a mother, and yet my babies were being taken from me!

Again, God worked through my husband to reach me.  He made me talk, made me go to Mass, to Adoration, and to reconciliation.  We both began to see how something so sad could also be beautiful; God had given us these two lives, and although we wanted them, they were truly gifts that were not “ours” to keep.  The most beautiful thing about it all is that our two children are WITH GOD!  They are engulfed in so much more joy than they ever would have experienced here.

As Christians, we believe that these children deserved recognition as complete human beings, and after hearing of the idea from a friend, we decided to name them both.  We also had a memorial mass said for them at our home, which really helped bring some closure for us, and we plan to continue going to a mass (or having a mass said) for them every year.

Anyway, one year later, we were able to conceive our third child.  Only a few weeks later we were told we would lose this one as well.  We were devastated, but a bit more prepared emotionally this time around.  However, God had a HUGE surprise in store for us; five weeks later, on March 3rd, we had an ultrasound which showed our little Anna Kateri to be healthy and right on her dates! We were ECSTATIC, to say the least, and cried for joy multiple times.  (In fact, I still do!)  On August 29th, we welcomed her into the world, and she is filling our lives with smiles.

We are thankful for so many things; for our health, our friends, our family, and so much more.  For our parents who raised us, and especially my mom today, who gave birth to me 27 years ago. And although we have had to deal with a lot of heartache, we are SO thankful that God has blessed us with three children: Anthony John, Julia Dolores, and Anna Kateri.  They have each taught us so much about our faith and have helped us grow closer to each other and closer to God.  I am so incredibly thankful for my husband, the sweetest, most caring, and selfless person I have ever met – John, I love you! And finally, I am thankful for the faith and the LIFE God has given us.  May we be humble and faithful enough to finally enter His Kingdom one day.

Happy Thanksgiving, everyone!